Type keyword(s) to search

Quick Hits

Jimmy Kimmel Renews His Feud with 'Human Boil' Ted Cruz

  • It's been a few months since Jimmy Kimmel and Ted Cruz traded jabs, but the two re-entered the ring this week with a series of back-and-forth insults that spanned both late night television and Twitter.

    On Monday night, Kimmel took aim at Cruz for tweeting that the United States' "woke, emasculated military" is ineffective when compared to the Russian Army. "Ted Cruz, who four years ago took permanent residence up the ass of a man who beat him in every election by calling his wife ugly and slandering his elderly father, says this is emasculating," said Kimmel. "Primarily because Ted Cruz is not human. He's a moist, gelatinous tubeworm whose elastic band pants are filled with an inky discharge every time he speaks."

    Within hours, Kimmel's monologue made its way to Cruz, who called out the ABC host's "tough guy" act. "Here's a reminder, when we played one-on-one, I kicked his ass. He has to live with that...forever," tweeted Cruz. "Rematch, punk?"

    Kimmel responded with a one-liner, but rather than escalate the feud online, he took things to network cable. "I don't know if you know this, but we were attacked last night. We were hit with another devastating Ted Cruz Twitter strike," he said at the top of Tuesday's broadcast. Kimmel insisted that his initial response to Cruz's "woke and emasculated" military tweet was warranted, as the Texas Republican "let Donald Trump use his testicles on the driving range" for four years. "I mean, look, he was Trump's Theon Greyjoy."

    As for the basketball game, Kimmel admitted that Cruz was correct, to some degree. "He's right. It's true. I do have to live with that forever," he said. "You have to live with being Ted Cruz forever, which is so much worse."

    "After you won the game, do you remember what I did? I said, 'Good game, thanks' and I shook your disgusting hand," continued Kimmel. "I didn't complain that it was rigged. I didn't ask for a recount on the referee. I didn't start a conspiracy theory about the basketball having a microchip in it. I accepted it. I brought shame on my family and I embraced it, as I always do. And, I mean, listen, it was a terrible day. I lost a basketball game to a man who ate one of his own boogers during a presidential debate."

    Jimmy Kimmel Live! airs weeknights at 11:35 PM ET on ABC.

    Claire Spellberg Lustig is the Senior Editor at Primetimer and a scholar of The View. Follow her on Twitter at @c_spellberg.

    TOPICS: Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Kimmel Live!, Ted Cruz