"I know that's crazy to say. It actually made me feel like I was not a good person," Jost tells Howard Stern while promoting his new memoir A Very Punchable Face. "I really felt bad about who I was because no one had ever had any judgment of me before and suddenly everyone did, and it felt really rough." Jost recalls that even his fellow cast members seemed disappointed in him. "I had such deep, deep, deep anxiety," he says. "Like drinking before shows. Because I felt like I was losing my whole identity. Like my whole identity that I built up for, whatever it was, 10 years at the show. I thought I was going to lose everything and then just be done."