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Below Deck Power Rankings, Week 7.8: You're a Joke

Rhylee's return gets off to a rocky start.
  • Rhylee Gerber and Kate Chastain in Below Deck (Bravo)
    Rhylee Gerber and Kate Chastain in Below Deck (Bravo)

    The only thing better than a new episode of Below Deck on Monday nights is Sarah D Bunting's Tuesday morning power rankings. Click here for previous Below Deck power rankings.

    Below Deck S07, E08: "A Recipe For Disaster"

    Rhylee is back, and Ashton is apprehensive about it in talking-head interviews, which makes me wonder whether there are off-camera aspects of her behavior we don't see. Then the aspects of her behavior we DO see -- getting into it with Kevin during the crew's night out over a paleo-menu request, and refusing to let it drop despite his being 1) obviously drunk and 2) not worth it -- make Ashton's concerns a bit more relatable.

    Still, Rhylee's better than Abbi (unfocused), and for now she's better than Brian (leg continuing to swell; goofy on painkillers)...and just about anyone is better than the slurringly inappropriate primary, although his ability to irritate the impossibly patronizing Kevin isn't entirely without merit.

    The episode overall is kind of one-note, but based on the previouslies, we're about to plunge into the deep end of the post-hookup drama. Who's getting (just) the biggest tip? Your Episode 8 power rankings...

    1. Kate. Kate's on the stick this week, promptly switching Simone off of service when the primary guest won't take a hint, and confronting Kevin ASAP about his constant (and, not for nothing, counterproductive) undermining of her on service. Hat tip to the reappearance of her self-care bedtime onion dip. [Last week: 2]

    2. Courtney. She doesn't get a ton to do this week, except to say she isn't the owner of whoever's glasses Brian finds in his bunk, then fake-whine, "Whoooo is sheeeee?", which made me laugh. [Last week: 1]

    3. Captain Lee. I don't understand what "I hope [Rhylee] doesn't let her dumptruck mouth overload her wheelbarrow ass" means; my dim sense that he considers Rhylee too mouthy for a broad is disappointing. But he regains ground with a couple of classic Rosbach-isms when he spots the primary staggering around near the bridge and mutters, "God, don't let him come in here," then grumbles that he'd rather be dragged through a knothole "by [his] dick" than deal with these guests again. "You are the epitome of lit" is also a keeper. [Last week: 3]

    4. Rhylee. I don't know, you guys -- clearly she just likes to fight. But because she so often fights with crewmates I personally have no use for, I'm usually Team Rhylee, and she knows how to put her damn hair up. [Last week: n/a]

    5. Brian. Feels guilty that he can't work, despite a leg that practically has cartoon heat squiggles coming off of it. Benefits rankings-wise from skipping the night out. [Last week: 5]

    6. Tanner. No real objection, but when Rhylee starts, well, Rhylee-ing at dinner, people who have known her for three hours should maybe not wade into the fray. [Last week: 4]

    7. Simone. I feel for her with the Michael situation, truly, but how do you not know how to make an iced coffee? It's not splitting the atom; bean juice, glass of ice, done. [Last week: 6]

    8. Ashton. After a strong start acknowledging that Rhylee's "working hard and wants to learn," turns on her at the first opportunity (read: "second round of shots"), calling her a joke and taking Kevin's side seemingly because it's not Rhylee's side. Again, and not that Ashton is the best arbiter of character in the show's history (especially with a few cocktails on board), but you have to wonder how much harder Rhylee might be to take in person/sans editing. [Last week: 8]

    9. Kevin. This horse's ass, honestly. How many talking-heads do we have to endure in which he sighs snottily about Kate "forcing" him to "take over" her role, when actually he's being controlling for no reason -- especially with these guests, who are without question too drunk to notice in what order the plates come out? (And several of whom ordered their steaks well done, which I don't judge but which does not exactly suggest "finicky foodies.") The martini dance is funny, but it evidently led to him getting intoxicated enough not to see that handing Rhylee the menu and asking her what she'd prefer as a paleo option is the gracious move. [Last week: 7]

    10. The guests. Stop asking Simone to go shark-diving with you! Stop fondling the bosun! Stop giving a shitty tip! Stop asking Kevin to make you unreasonable nonsense like chicken stir-fry for breakf-- actually, you know what? Keep doing that last thing all day. It annoys him, and that's the only thing you're any good for. [Last week: 9]

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    Sarah D. Bunting co-founded Television Without Pity, and her work has appeared in Glamour and New York, and on MSNBC, NPR's Monkey See blog, MLB.com, and Yahoo!. Find her at her true-crime newsletter, Best Evidence, and on TV podcasts Extra Hot Great and Again With This.

    TOPICS: Below Deck, Bravo, Lee Rosbach, Reality TV