Chelsea Handler Suggests Ways to Legislate Men's Bodies on Kimmel

Chelsea Handler appeared as the guest host on Jimmy Kimmel Live! Monday night and dove right into the biggest topic of the day: the demise of Roe v. Wade.

"I will be here all week long — or at least until Republicans make it illegal for women to talk," Handler said at the top of her monologue. "Jimmy is off right now doing whatever the f*ck he wants with his body."

Handler turned her attention to the Supreme Court, saying, "Friday’s decision has made me a very strong advocate of the pull out method — which is when you pull Clarence Thomas out of the Supreme Court."

She then noted that Thomas' wife Ginni praised MAGA supporters on January 6 and even attended the "Stop the Steal" rally that day.

"She was working behind the scenes to overturn a democratic election," said Handler. "Isn't it so beautiful when two disgusting and awful people find each other? They are the ultimate abuse-of-power couple."

"Three of the judges who voted to overturn the ruling were appointed by a man with over a dozen sexual assault allegations," Handled added, "Who lost the popular vote twice, was impeached twice, and attempted a coup because he's a little fat big baby loser."

Handler ended her monologue with a list of ways men could legislate their bodies in the wake of the Supreme Court's decision.

"From now on: No more vasectomies," said Handler. "If you want to stop having children, tie your penis in a knot. And if you can't tie your penis in a knot, you’re not a real man anyway."

Handler continued, "If you get a woman pregnant, you have to wear a leech on your scrotum for up to nine months and then breastfeed it."

"Any time a man asks a woman to smile, he loses three teeth," she added. "And lastly, white men don't get to vote for the next 150 years."

Jimmy Kimmel Live! airs weeknights at 11:35 PM ET on ABC.

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Deena ElGenaidi's writing has been featured in Nylon, MTV News, Insider, The AV Club, and more. You can follow her on Twitter @deenaelg.