With Trump (hopefully) in our rear-view mirror, John Oliver has found a new enemy: Big Cereal. Yes, you read that correctly: the Last Week Tonight host was off for Memorial Day Weekend, but in a web exclusive released on Sunday, he ranted about the cereal industry's lack of creativity, as evidenced by the "toothless" Cheerios Twitter account. And again, yes, you read that correctly.
"There is a lot going on in the world right now, but instead of focusing on any of that, I'd like to raise a subject that is near and dear to my heart. And that is, there simply aren't enough cereals," said Oliver, explaining that "we haven't had an exciting new cereal" since Reese's Puffs hit shelves.
The HBO host added that even commercials have taken a nosedive in quality, with the rare exception being Frosted Flakes' pandemic ad with Shaq. "That is, start to finish, a perfect cereal commercial," said Oliver. "In just half a minute, it establishes a world in which Tony the Tiger exists, has a handsomely decorated home office, including a custom Tony nameplate, apparently video chats Shaquille O'Neal every single morning for breakfast and that they love each other. That is a more richly detailed cinematic universe than what Marvel has made in 13 fucking years."
So, who can be blamed for cereal's demise? Look to none other than Cheerios and its official Twitter account, which has "fully submitted to the worst, toothless impulses that dominate positivity Twitter," said Oliver. "They deliver empty nonsense like, 'Good morning! Today is yours,'" he said. "What the fuck are you talking about, you oat hoops?!"
"You worthless, impotent, empty suit of a cereal brand!" ripped Oliver, before issuing the brand a challenge. "I will donate $25,000 to the charity of Cheerios' choice if they simply tweet, 'Fuck you.' I'll do it! And what's more, I will double it if they target the Twitter account of an actual, non-famous, random user."
Your move, Cheerios. Or, you could just ignore John Oliver's bizarre cereal rant, as there's probably more important things going on in the world.
Claire Spellberg Lustig is the TV Editor at Primetimer and a scholar of The View. Follow her on Twitter at @c_spellberg.