"Why I did the things I did to hurt myself": Backstreet Boys singer AJ McLean opens up about relapse and sobriety journey

AJ McLean, a well-known singer from the Backstreet Boys, is peeling back the curtain on a deeply personal chapter. In candid comments to People ahead of Netflix’s Building the Band, he shared how a relapse in 2021 forced him to face his demons head-on. Why did he do the things he did to hurt himself? For AJ, it meant confronting old habits, fractured self-worth, and the persona-versus-person truth.

But after recommitting towards the end of the DNA Tour, he’s now in what he describes as the best mental space of his life. His story is raw, honest, and brimming with both struggle and hope, and it’s a journey that’s as much about mental health as it is about addiction and sobriety.

How AJ McLean faced relapse and turned toward sobriety

When AJ admits, “I got sober again for the last time… It’s a daily thing,” he’s not just quoting recovery mantra, he’s living it. The relapse in 2021 proved to be a turning point. Rather than slide back into familiar patterns, McLean decided to dig deeper, literally flying to Scottsdale, Arizona, for a mental-health retreat that would change everything.

“It’s not just about quitting alcohol or drugs, it’s about asking, ‘Why did I do those things to hurt myself and those I love?’” he explained. That trip gave him time to reflect, to unpack “piece‑of‑s‑‑‑‑ism” and chronic self‑esteem issues that had haunted him.

AJ discovered he’d lived his career as a persona, not a man, and that Alexander James, not AJ McLean the pop star, was the person worth centering. To stay sober, he doesn’t rely on willpower alone. His strategy? A six‑day gym routine, clean eating, maintaining work‑life boundaries, and a healthy mix of family time, all recommended by the sober community and clearly working for him.

“My life has flipped in a positive way,” he says. And he’s serious: “I don’t have another relapse in me. It's a daily commitment to stay present… stop and smell the roses”.

It hasn’t all been smooth sailing. Earlier in his career, he called himself a “chronic relapser,” battling on-again, off-again behavior, even after rehab stints in 2001, 2002, 2011, and as recently as 2019. But this time feels different. He put mental health first, learned what true boundaries mean (even tattooing Brené Brown’s “braving” on his arm) and has gradually reclaimed his confidence, without veering into ego.

Today, AJ says he’s in “the best head space” he’s ever known. And he’s bringing that grounded self to Building the Band, where he hopes his authentic energy will shine through.

AJ McLean’s career highs and his journey with addiction

AJ McLean, one‑quarter of the Backstreet Boys, joined the band as a teenager and went on to help define ’90s pop. But fame came with pressure. In 2000, during the making of “The Call” video, he was first introduced to cocaine, marking the start of nearly two decades battling addiction. He entered rehab multiple times (2001, 2002, 2011), including after drinking on stage in 2001, a clear sign that he’d let drinking get out of control.

Despite public success, his private life was punctuated by relapses, even as recently as 2019, when a night out left him smelling of alcohol and prompted a promise to his daughter,

“You don’t smell like my daddy,” that ignited real change. That moment, he says, “hit me like a tonne of bricks.”

Where is he today? At 47, McLean is divorced but dedicated to his two daughters, Elliot and Lyric. He’s clean, sober, and co-hosting Building the Band on Netflix. Reflective, grounded, and free from persona, he’s balancing a healthy lifestyle with his ongoing career, and clearly feeling better than ever.

AJ McLean’s story isn’t just about a singer recovering from addiction, it’s about the messy, human process of reclaiming identity, self‑worth, and balance. He gave himself permission to pause, to ask hard questions, and to rediscover Alexander James beneath the fame.

Now sober, mentally fit, and cracking jokes again, he’s proof that even lifelong struggles with addiction can lead to fresh starts. For fans of the Backstreet Boys or anyone rooting for a redemption arc, AJ’s journey is a reminder: the best selves are the ones we rebuild, one day at a time.