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Adam Driver Calls John Oliver Out On a Year's Worth of "Sexual or Violent" Thirst

  • Throughout this year, one of John Oliver's running gags on Last Week Tonight has been exceptionally weird thirsty comments about the tall hunk of manhood they call Adam Driver. These remarks usually came in the order of oddly specific and violent commands, followed by descriptions of Driver as a large person.

    Such as: "Collapse on my chest, you impenetrable barrier. Crush my rib cage, you load-bearing behemoth." Or "chokeslam me to hell, you nasty shed. Jam your mandible claw down my throat, you irredeemable steer." 

    The subculture of Adam Driver stans were all about this on Twitter. It seems Adam Driver himself was not, as he called into the season finale of LWT to confront Oliver about all this.

    "What the f*ck are you doing?" he asked. "This thing you've been doing that's either sexual or violent." 

    Oliver muttered that he liked to think of it as "a little from Column A, a little from Column B."

    "Do you realize, over this past year, what you've asked me to do to you?" he marveled. "Collapse on your chest, tie your fingers in a square knot, step on your throat, shatter your knees, pull your heart out through your ear. What's wrong with you? You realize we're strangers, right? I don't know you, and now random people on the internet 'stan' us, claiming that you 'thirsting' over me is 'a mood.' I'm sick of people stopping me on the street and asking me if I'm going to punch a hole in you like a Marriage Story wall."

    Oliver sheepishly said he was just "having some weird fun." When Driver tried to get him to say 'I'm sorry,' Oliver instead said "I'm America's naughtiest bitch" and "6 feet of nasty spankable bird meat crammed into a suit."  That prompted Driver to call him a "deeply weird, small, small thing." 

    Once Oliver did apologize, Driver encouraged him to explore the white void he's been broadcasting from, but Oliver urged him to make it "sound like an order."

    "Explore the f*cking space, you hollow-boned Mr. Bean cosplayer," he said, bringing the year-long bit full circle. "Look around you, you underbaked gingerbread boy." 

    Last Week Tonight with John Oliver returns with new episodes in February.

    Andy Hunsaker has a head full of sitcom gags and nerd-genre lore, and can be followed @AndyHunsaker if you're into that sort of thing.

    TOPICS: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, HBO, Adam Driver, John Oliver